Mixed emotions

It’s hard to believe July is already here. I start my job in 3 days and have so many things I should be doing (sleeping, for one), but here I am.

We knew this move would be hard, but right now ‘hard’ feels like the understatement of the year. June has been an incredibly emotional month- filled with lots of ‘see you later’s’, hugs, tears, planning, stress, and more tears. Coordinating a move is a full time job, which makes it tricky to do when we both have/had full time jobs (I left mine just over a week ago- that in itself brought a whirlwind of emotions after 10 years!) not to mention the whole parenting a 3 year old and 8.5 month old thing. We.are.exhausted. But the show goes on, and July isn’t going to be any easier.

The good news- we found tenants for our home in Kansas City and feel confident we are leaving our house in good hands. Brett’s job search is looking promising with additional leads and interviews, and we have several good prospective apartments to look at this weekend. Amid all this chaos I still have to stop and pinch myself reading that last sentence- we are really looking at apartments in New York City this weekend?! Is this real life?

Then the not so fun, reality- check sets in- mostly due to all the ‘unknown’ factors we are grappling with like where we are going to live (fingers crossed we check this off in a few days!), where Brett will work, what we are doing for childcare, all the logistics involved in pumping breast milk while commuting and starting a new job, and all the mixed emotions that go along with making big life changes and decisions. ‘See you later’s,’ while not long-term ‘goodbyes,’ are still really hard, and the stress involved in facilitating a move is tough on everyone. We are so fortunate to have amazing families willing to help- from pitching in with child care during this transition to physically hauling our stuff to NYC and helping us move in. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about how lucky we are.

Speaking of tears, the toughest thing weighing on this mama’s heart right now is having to be away from my babies for 2 long periods of time this month. Pray for me, friends. Just a week ago I vented on Facebook about how tough it is to parent a 3 year old (I still stand by that btw, he nearly flooded our kitchen yesterday) but last night I couldn’t even hold the tears back when he said ‘I love you mama.’ I held our youngest during both of her afternoon naps this past weekend because I couldn’t bear to put her down. The struggle is so real you guys. I’m very excited to start my new job and I know it is where I am supposed to be, but this month can’t be over soon enough so we can all be together again. We just have to keep telling ourselves it’s temporary, it will go by fast, and (hopefully) it will all be worth it!

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